Snap in your Tea!
by Artemis Fowl II
Summary: Holly spikes artemis drink, Chaos Ensues, joint venture with 4gVn SoUl, Part B Rated for language and some mild innuendo.
1. Chapter 1

A/n:

A/n:

We are siblings (4gVn SoUl and Artemis Fowl II) and as such we have decided to write a crackfic. As this is a crackfic this will be the only serious note in the story. As this is the case we thought we would inform you that this is a crackfic with a difference. On both our accounts the same story will be posted under the same name however, both parts won't be the same…

On AF2's account the story will be in Arty's POV and on 4gVn SoUl's account it will be in Holly's POV. This may sound stupid but reading both points will help you to understand it better.

As we have had our final sensible comment for the story, we shall commence with the crackyfickyness (see, it's started already :D)

Disclaimer: Artemis Fowl and any of the associated characters are sole property of Eoin Colfer. Oh well.

AF2 and 4s commence with consuming vast quantities of sugars and E numbers XD

Snap in your Tea?

By 4gVn SoUl

And

Artemis Fowl II

- This story is set after the Time Paradox but Julius isn't dead. 'Why?' You ask.

'WHY NOT!' We answer.

This means that ever good guy met so far is alive and possibly included.

Obtw Arty's Mum doesn't know anything yet. -

Chapter 1: Hold on to your Y-Fronts!!

Artemis was bored. He was planning to break into Fort Knox but a large gang of green sponges ate it first. It was 8:00 am, so Artemis decided it was time to go and have some food. Holly had been staying over for a while as her flat had been eaten by the giant sponges.

As he entered the kitchen holly ran past, screaming something indistinct about spatulas.

He sat down to his morning cup of tea and took a large gulp. Immediately he realised it had been spiked. He never got a chance to tell anyone. His pupils dilated, his mouth hung open and limp and then the scream started. It began as a low burbling, quickly growing in volume and pitch until he was yelling his lungs out at a girlish level. Then he jumped up, gave butler a wedge and ran after holly, trying to swat away the spatulas that were now plaguing him as well. Artemis met up with holly, and she yelled something about THEM to him. He replied with the every witty, "SO'S YOUR MUM!!"

Then Artemis Fowl Senior turned up.

"Hey kids, I have a rope, a pitchfork and five rolls of duck tape. WHO WANT'S BREAKFAST?!"

"I do, I do!" Angelina fowl shouted, and then said "What's breakfast?"

Mean whilst holly was standing, hunched over, wringing her hands and muttering 'Who wants to be a millionaire' over and over again.

Then butler walked in. He was walking rather strangely, as if someone had put his man-bit through a blender. He walked up to Artemis, shakily, and said in a voice that hinted of helium:

"Artemis, I think we need to have a talk, but first I need to de-wedgieficate myself."

Artemis said, with all the sarcasm he could muster:

"Woof…"

Just then holly glanced out the window ad saw the approaching disaster.

"ZOMG multiple quantities of ducks!"

Artemis shouted, "Quick butler, you deal with them, whilst your at it stop taking helium!" then he threw butler out of the window to the faint cries of "What's a duck?" from his mother.

Then the ducks ate everyone.

Then a bread gun appeared and shot them all, suddenly everyone was alive again, so there you bitches.

Holly said, "well at least you aren't acting like you have a stick shoved up your…"

A/N Mulch!


	2. Chapter 2

A/n:

We are siblings (4gVn SoUl and Artemis Fowl II) and as such we have decided to write a crackfic. As this is a crackfic this will be the only serious note in the story. As this is the case we thought we would inform you that this is a crackfic with a difference. On both our accounts the same story will be posted under the same name however, both parts won't be the same…

On AF2's account the story will be in Arty's POV and on 4gVn SoUl's account it will be in Holly's POV. This may sound stupid but reading both points will help you to understand it better.

As we have had our final sensible comment for the story, we shall commence with the crackyfickyness (see, it's started already :D)

Disclaimer: Artemis Fowl and any of the associated characters are sole property of Eoin Colfer. Oh well.

AF2 and 4s commence with consuming vast quantities of sugars and E numbers XD

Snap in your Tea?

By 4gVn SoUl

And

Artemis Fowl II

- This story is set after the Time Paradox but Julius isn't dead. 'Why?' You ask.

'WHY NOT!' We answer.

This means that ever good guy met so far is alive and possibly included.

Obtw Arty's Mum doesn't know anything yet. -

Chapter 2: Yay, a green one!

Okay, so Artemis wanted a skittle, but the supermarket doesn't sell individual skittles, so he and butler held the shop manager to ransom for the previously mentioned skittle. Fun-fun! Upon deciding the colour of skittle he wanted, Artemis ran from the shop screaming

"Yay, a green one!"

As Artemis reached his house his mother burst out of the doors screaming "The bells!" and he promptly ordered butler to hit her over the head with a giraffe. Butler ignored this. As the reached the door holly appeared dressed in a black cape and hood, holding a basket full of bowls overrunning with green skittles and milk.

"Would you like an apple dear?" she asked in an elderly, cracking voice.

"That's a cup of tea." Butler pointed out, shaking his head at the idiocy of it all and pushing away the proffered cup. Holly then lifted it off the saucer and threw it at butlers face.

Butler's immediate reaction was dilated pupils, and a sudden squeal like a pig. All of a sudden he fell, face first on the floor, and did the worm along the hallway, squeaking like an otter.

Suddenly artemis said: "sentio aliquose togatos contrami conspirare!" and then his father walked in, dressed in a bed sheet with a laurel made of toilet brushes and holding a sign saying: "I'm coming to get you!" Needless to say Artemis ran screaming from the room.

Then Artemis father, looking smug, said: "magister mundi sum!" but holly, who had been experimenting with fruit, could only say,

"te audire no possum, musa sapientum fixa est in aure" so that was fine!

Then artemis walked in and said

"vah! Denuone latine loquevar? Sometimes it just slips out." But his father stood there muttering,

"Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem."

A/N MOUSE!!


	3. Chapter 3

A/n:

We are siblings (4gVn SoUl and Artemis Fowl II) and as such we have decided to write a crackfic. As this is a crackfic this will be the only serious note in the story. As this is the case we thought we would inform you that this is a crackfic with a difference. On both our accounts the same story will be posted under the same name however, both parts won't be the same…

On AF2's account the story will be in Arty's POV and on 4gVn SoUl's account it will be in Holly's POV. This may sound stupid but reading both points will help you to understand it better.

As we have had our final sensible comment for the story, we shall commence with the crackyfickyness (see, it's started already :D)

Disclaimer: Artemis Fowl and any of the associated characters are sole property of Eoin Colfer. Oh well.

AF2 and 4s commence with consuming vast quantities of sugars and E numbers XD

Snap in your Tea?

By 4gVn SoUl

And

Artemis Fowl II

- This story is set after the Time Paradox but Julius isn't dead. 'Why?' You ask.

'WHY NOT!' We answer.

This means that ever good guy met so far is alive and possibly included.

Obtw Arty's Mum doesn't know anything yet. -

Chapter 3: Flame!

"We have reviews!!" holly shouted, and then exploded. But that's okay because Artemis is good at unexploding people. He didn't bother to unexploded holly though…

"The first review!

'HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I can not stop laughing because of your story it is

Hilarious (good idea about the points of view from your stories) update soon'

By AH4EVER" Artemis read out.

"…" said Holly, who was still exploded.

"Well thank you AH4EVER for your kind words, we hope you can stop laughing or you won't be able to review anymore! Don't die please (master Artemis is in no state to dispose of the body!)" butler said, the only voice of reason. Until he caught the exploding bug and died.

Mulch read the second;

"'umh this story is really...interesting but I can't stop laughing the story makes no sense at all so it's funny laugh in background update soon chuckle' AH4EVER again? You have exceeded your second review thingy so have a cookie!" and Mulch handed over a cookie that had been specially peppered with snap!

"Our third review was

'Oh. My. God.

What are you on and where can I get some?'

From woahhhhh…

Well we are on snap! I though that was apparent in the title… anyway you can have a block of cheese as a reward. Wait, that's a toenail… aw well, keep it anyway!" Holly had read this one, and as she finished it Artemis suddenly realized she was back from the dead and promptly ate his foot.

"Well that's all! The next chapter will b…" Foaly started (from nowhere)

"Wait!! A spork!" holly shouted.

"And another review!" Artemis added, chasing his tail.

_What the hell were you guys thinking! Having Holly drink the snap and everybody talking in like Spanish or Latin and having Butler act like three animals. You guys are twisted freaks!_

_From Stefanlover12_

They all read.

"!" they all said.

"Why the flame man, we aren't twisted… just slightly odd…" said Artemis fowl senior. Then; "what are we doing?"

"What's a doing?" Artemis mother asked then ate an orange.

"Artemis doesn't like oranges. Or flames. He heated a fresh batch of snap with it, and then ate the bath tub. Don't flame again!"

And Artemis cackled, whilst he started a game of monopoly with himself.

Now onto more important things!

A/N-donde puedo comprar un bigote falso para mi perro?

Everyone who is reading this, lynch stefanlover12!


End file.
